i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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