Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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