Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
