just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
