I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
