She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
