Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
