Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
