dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
