guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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