Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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