So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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