I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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