woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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