is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You ruined the universe
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
