y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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