Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
