his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
