is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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