im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
