I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
