Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
