I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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