I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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