home. puking in laundry basket.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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