Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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