she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
