8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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