tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
