Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
