there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
