I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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