Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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