you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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