dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
