a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
