I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
