i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
