you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
