She said her name was "party"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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