I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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