I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fuck appropriateness.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
