After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
