I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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