You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
