Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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