Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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