OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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