i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
