Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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