It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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